ugh...

i have had a adventure in reality and it has been both wonderful and awful i am in a blizzard of what the fuck right now. Mixed emotions and lost hopes, things don't get easier as you get older and i am terrified with every decision i make. I just don't think you can bend over backwards for people without breaking your back and being left there to suffer in your own pool of doubt. It just sucks to crush people but at the same time get crushed yourself. I don't want to be the person who doesn't talk, but right now i have nothing good to say. If i do talk it seems to come out wrong. I don't know that i can explain this or that it needs explaining. I feel awful and mean no harm. I need to close a chapter and move on.