OCD

I have found that i am struggling to find out what i want this blog to be about. Should i make it a music blog and talk about the shows i go to, the records i buy, new bands i have discovered? I feel like there is too many music blogs and i hate other peoples views on music. There is this kid i work with and every time a new band pops up on my ipod he is like, hey is that (insert band name here), and i am like yeah it is. It is annoying it is like you are trying to please these people all day at work? I am simply tyring not to loose my mind, and sit in silence all day. In my old position at work i could listen to headphones and not worry about this problem. I can't now because i work closely with two other people at all times and communication is a must, so music plays in the background and not through my headphones. While it is nice to connect with people on music and especially in a work environment where most people don't listen to the same type as music as i do, i also find it extremely annoying to share my music with others and constantly be critiqued by this guy. So strict music blog, i don't think so.

Maybe a food blog, where i write about about what i ate or the places i ate at. The effects of food, new food ideas. I have this one where i make nachos out of Doritos. It is sweet, you take your favorite kind of Doritos (there are so many) and you make nachos out of them. Or the many ways you can make a frozen pizza into a masterpiece with a few simple ingredients. I just think food would get boring to read about.

So maybe a imaginary blog, where i write about all these crazy things and people think that i have the most interesting life or a really fucked up one. It would be like writing a book, but in blog form where you make up all these characters and events and people would be really interested in finding out the new adventures of these people they think are real. It would be my little joke to the world.

Is that fucked up or what? I think about doing things like that all the time. I had a idea for making this fake band called the disadvantage featuring 4 guys from Columbia, Missouri. 4 of the most socially awkward people i could think of, and making them a myspace page and putting up fake music and possibly booking a tour for them. Just to see how far i could take it and how much of a buzz i could get going about a band that didn't even exist. They would get this reputation of being dicks because they never showed up for shows and always had to cancel. This would be a major time waster, but it is the type of thing i think of when i get bored. The other one i have is setting up an entire game of Risk, with all the armies and playing by myself. This would take forever and eventually you would have to decide what team you wanted to win, but you could also totally make it dependant on the roll of the dice. THAT IS FUCKED UP, that is crazy no one would ever do that, it would be boring as shit, yet i seriously have considered doing this on numerous occasions. I have a ton more honestly, that go anywhere from alphabetizing my records and Cd's for organizational purposes, to actually taking stock on my music collection and typing them all into some sort of data base. I easily have close to 3000 Cd's and 100's of records. This would take forever. I fear that when my roommate moves out in June and i have a month and half of alone time before new roommates move in, that i might go crazy. I have worked out many ways that i want to change the layout of my house in my head and it will all go into effect as soon as he moves out. This is why blogging freaks me out, because i often feel like i am writing about nothing, that i should have a total purpose for each post or a subject matter that is specific to this blog. I guess in the end the subject matter is me and this is my blog so that is what i am going for. I could write about more personal issues but i don't think i need everyone to see and read my dirty laundry. I have no idea how many people read this (if any at all) if i have regulars or not, and i am not sure that i care. It is simply something to do, and a place to vent and get things out, even if they are a little scattered brained sometimes.

I would like to start posting more art and photos and writing about those, until then i will keep the randomness coming. Hopefully someone enjoys it.

Cheese and Trademarks

I ate a grilled cheese with spinach tonight, and 10 minutes later i felt awful (not sure why). As i get older i think that milk and cheese and most lactose products seem to fuck with me and make me feel sick after eating them. I love cheese, like seriously love cheese so this is kind of a shitty situation. I don't drink much milk, i am found of the vanilla rice dream. Anyhow when i get broke i find myself eating shitty and i would really like that to stop, i ate pizza like 4 days in a row and while i love pizza i was really grossed out by day 4. I even ate nachos for breakfast last weekend, ugh.

next topic-
Last night i looked into getting a trademark for the band name Bald Eagle. We have been using the name since 2003 and performing under it since 2004. The reason behind this comes from a DJ in Chicago who goes by the same name, not DJ Bald Eagle, but simply Bald Eagle (like us). DJ BE is a guy by the name of Chris Baronner who used to play in a band called Ethel Meserve. The weird part of all of this is that my old band Amputee Set played many shows with Ethel Meserve and we where pretty good friends with Chris. When i lived in Milwaukee i would frequent Chicago and Chris would get me into shows he booked at The Metro. Anyhow a few years a go we started getting emails and phone calls from our friends in Chicago saying hey why didn't you tell us you guys were playing up here, and we would respond we aren't. We found out that someone else was using our name. Chris used to go by DJ CB (CB-Chris Baronner). I sent a very nice email to Chris explaining the confusion of the names and asked if he could simply go by DJ Bald Eagle to stop any further problems and confusion. He responded back that he believed that there was enough room in this little world for 2 Bald Eagle's and that he never played out of Chicago so it shouldn't be a big deal. The problem is, with his booking at The Metro and being tight within the Chicago scene he has booked himself on many bigger shows, doing DJ sets before or after. Most shows are billed as Bald Eagle not DJ Bald Eagle (thought sometimes the DJ is included). Well recently Lollapalooza leaked their lineup for the 2008 festival and Bald Eagle was listed as a act that was to perform. Bald Eagle (us) got a ton of messages and myspace hits and congratulations. There was even a link on Lollapalooza's web page that would lead you to a splash page and screen shot of our myspace page, a picture of our guitar player, and links to some of our mp3's. The fucked up thing was we knew nothing about, and never applied to Lollapalooza or had any plans of playing it. It turns out it was a major fuck up by the Lolla staff and they meant for it to be Bald Eagle the DJ, not us. Well this lead to many phone calls from our record label to Lollapallooza trying to get to the bottom of everything. The last draw for me was a email about 4 or 5 days ago from another Lolla staff member (publicist, PR, whatever) giving us the low down on the fest and what she needed from us and what they were going to provide us with, basic details given to the performers. WE ARE NOT PLAYING THIS FEST. It is a major confusion and fuck up, though it would be funny to just show up and say hey here we are, we are Bald Eagle you sent us shit and said that we were supposed to play, so here we are. The fact of the matter is that some of them know we aren't playing and they messed up, but apparently not all of them got the message. SO SO SO, back to trade marking. I decided to get our band name trademarked, then we will meet with our lawyer and take the proper matters to get the other Bald Eagle to stop using our name. Maybe a little extreme, but hopefully you can see my point. The thing is we have worked under that name for almost 5 years, and we have multiple records out under that name, while this guy spins and remixes other peoples work. To me there is no reason for us not to fight it and end the confusion and take what i feel is rightfully ours.

In the end it cost me close to $900, so i guess we better not break up for a while. Crazy huh?

on being a musician

I just was just interviewed on the stigma of musicians, i never had really thought that much about that topic before. The interview was for a college class project, some sort of final project worth 70% of these peoples grade. It wasn't all about musicians, it was the stigma of ex-cons, policemen, and musicians and how they relate to each other. I never really thought of myself being looked down at or up at for that matter, that i had reputation to keep. I have felt judged by people before, especially in Columbia where people sometimes think of you as being this unapproachable asshole that they can't talk to. The truth of the matter is i think most musicians are shy, or have some sort of social anxiety disorder. I know i do for sure, i am terrified of most people, i hate social interactions and hate interviews. I feel like i gave some OK answers to this persons questions, but the more i think about things and start to write this blog i feel like i could have answered a little better. I think of the 3 (ex-cons, police, and musicians) that musicians have the least stigma about them. I think ex-cons have it rough, how finding a job must be hard. You can't really lie about that, musicians can get jobs. People just don't like you quiting to go on tour, but you don't have to tell them you are a musician to get a job. I think the hardest part of being a musician is the personal aspects of it. You never have money, you are always broke or trying to save for that next tour, instrument, recording, buying a van, making merch, etc. It is very hard to have a relationship or find that person who is going to put up with all the bullshit of dating musician. Most girls/boys would be jealous of a touring musician because you are away from your loved one and meting new people every night so the potential of meeting someone and hooking up on the road is there. So money and relationships are hard, so is finding a steady job that will let you tour. As i was sitting doing this interview i thought if i had to do this all again, if i was given another chance would i do it. Go back to being 12 and never buy a guitar, never start a band, and never play music (at least not in the sense of how i do it now). I have been playing music since i was 12, in bands since i was 14, touring/recording since i was 16 and though it has gotten better over the years and i feel like each band i do is better and better and more well received and is more of a success, i just don't know that i would do it all again. Granted i could quit at any time and do whatever, it's not like i am 60 and have nothing else in my life. However i am approaching 30 and it gets a little scary to not have a steady job, because you might have to quit to go on tour, and to not always have money, and to worry about having a girlfriend. Being a musician is weird because you basically know that you are going to fail, hardly anyone becomes famous, or can make enough money to support themselves let alone a family. I know there are musicians that do and are very happy, but when you think of how many bands there are and how few of them get to any level of success it is pretty scary. I know that i am lucky to be in a band that tours (though i wish we did more), that has a record label that will pay to put our music out, and has people that like or music and shows. Yet i feel like a failure because i know that more than likely i will never be successful at it, that i will never make enough money doing this as i could working a "real" job. The other end of that though is would i be happy working a real job? I can't imagine myself going into the same place 5 days a week for the next 40 years. I think that would be awful, i don't know how people do that to be honest. I realize it is nice to have that consistency and have money and not have to worry about things, but i couldn't go to work, go home, and do it all over again the next day for 40 years. I realize it is not that extreme, and lots of people love their jobs and the field they are in. I just know that i hate going to work as is and have no interest in working at the place i am at for even another 4 years. i love playing music and traveling and yes it takes it toll on you. I have met a lot of wonderful people (some of my best friends) through music and have traveled to nearly 40 states and to Canada and had chances to go to Europe, all through playing music. I wouldn't change any of that for the world, but when faced with the question of would i do it all again if i knew that at 28 i would be in a band that was probably never going to be a huge success and that i knew that i would be in the state that i am in now, broke most of the time, questioning a relationship, hating my job, depending on 3 other people for the amount of work our band does. I am pretty sure i wouldn't do it again, this is not a life of luxury by any means. I feel very much like a child who has no idea what path they want to take and it is fucking scary. It is hard to be in a band with people and you know everyone else has a life and jobs and relationships, but you want everyone on the same page. It works for some bands. Some bands give up everything and the band is their world and nothing will get in the way. By no means am i asking for that, everyone deserves their own life, but it becomes very hard to have to depend on 3 other people for your bands success. One wants to tour more than someone else, one wants to stay home more, one wants to play new songs, one wants to play old songs, one thinks this song sucks, one wants to play this show, one doesn't. Conflicting points of view. It has taken years of playing with people to weed out the good and bad and come up with a band of people that i feel comfortable with, yet also respect as musicians. I know i found that in my band, i am more happy than i ever have been playing with these people, but not on all levels all the time. I definitely feel like i want more, and that i am willing to give up a lot for the success (or potential success) of our band. It is hard to ask and expect everyone to be on the same level though, and feel like if we do break up that will be the reason why. Because one person wanted to do more, or one person couldn't do as much. That gets harder with age, and is something i think about a lot because what if i want a real job, or want to settle down or have kids. That was one of my stigmas i brought up, is that people assume that if you are musician and get married, or have kids that you are fucked (at least this is thought by a lot of other musicians) that basically you broke up the band that you can't go on because all you time and money will go towards your family. While this does break up a lot of bands i'm sure (it broke up one i was in), i do feel like you could still be in a band and be successful with a wife and kids. Tons of people do it, but most of them are probably successful before hand. While I'm not sure if i would do it again, i also have no idea what else i would have done. I love art and think i am pretty good at it, as a kid i wanted to be a chef, so maybe one of those. I was never good at sports, or really good at any subjects so that ruled a lot of things out. i regret not going to college sometimes, but i also look at almost all of my friends and family who have degrees and they either aren't using them, don't work in that field at all, or are making about as much money as i am, but also having to pay a ton of loans off. I'm not sure where i am going with any of this, my mind just wonders sometimes, the end result is to be happy. It is not all about money (though money helps) it is about doing what you love and being happy doing it. I am not always happy being a musician, but i think more times than not i am happy being one. i guess form a stigma point of view, people who think musicians have it made are wrong. Yeah it is great if you are the beatles, the rolling stones, or radiohead and have complete control over your music and make a ton of money from doing what you love. I am sure they all have their own share of problems too. Drugs, fame, people wanting that money, no private life, etc. So being a musician- good or bad? i am not sure, all i can say is, if i am going to continue to do this i need to make sure that i am happy doing it. I need to work for that, again a lot of that depends on other people and putting yourself in a position where you are going to be happy. I might start playing as a touring bass player for the foundry field recordings, and in a way that to me seems like a better position for me as a musician one that i could be happier in. I love playing with my dudes don't get me wrong, but touring with someone else and not having to worry so much about everything. Plus i get along with Billy and i think it would be fun to do and i enjoy the songs as well. I think i am just looking for people to play with that are on the same page, and while bald eagle provides that for the most part, it isn't 100% there all the time. It might be impossible to every find that, and i know i am not the easiest person to work with all the time. i am not sure what else i can write on this as i feel like i am going in circles with my point, so i guess i will end this. By the way if you would like to give my band a million dollars to play a show we will gladly do it, and then i can retire and not have to worry about anything and make really weird music with whoever the fuck i want to. Kids don't become a musician, there are too many bands and most of them suck and you will probably suck and be broke. You should go to school, get a real job, get married to a hot chick and have kids then come to my show and buy my records and think that i am cool but realize that you are mores successful than i will ever be.

Dear Cardinals,
What the shit are you doing? Every game you look good and then come the 7th inning or so you fuck up and lose. Actually i know nothing about baseball, but for some reason i have actually watched almost every cardinals game this year. I guess they weren't supposed to be that great this year, and they are doing pretty well (or better than expected). They just need to stay consistent and stop fucking up in the later innings.

Anyhow my body feels like it has been hit by a train, i am super sore from printing an average of 1500 canvas bags a day for the last week at work. This does a lot for your back, feet, and arms. By a lot i mean it makes all of them hurt and makes you want to die.

this guy is kind of my new hero and i wonder why he is not making a million dollars or playing in a band. Ladies and gentlemen Mr. Ronald Jenkees (there are a lot more on youtube)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LoFurLevE28

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=maxWVCW-Lqs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=maxWVCW-Lqs

It is much earlier than i thought, and i can't believe that i up and blogging after staying out to nearly 5am and consuming large amounts of alcohol. I thought i would be wiped out all day. Instead i am up and listening to Pink Floyd's -MEDDLE. I had a pretty good weekend, Friday night started with friends watching the Cardinals game and eating shitty fried food in a college themed bar, then we went to see Minus The Bear play at The Blue Note. I was a little sad the Portugal The Man had to cancel, i had heard good things about them and was looking forward to the show. I was also able to catch up with a few people i hadn't seen in a while. One of my favorite people, Mike Quinn, who i went to high school with was at the show. Mike plays in a band called The Confident Years. It is always nice to talk shop with him and see how he is getting along. He told me that him and his wife just had a second child. I also caught up with a old band mate of mine, Morgan Burnham, it is always great to see him. We were very close for about 5 years, but after playing music together i hardly ever see him. So after the show and many drinks later we find ourselves at Ragtag, for more drinks, and cookies. That i may have gotten in trouble for taking, i found out that dipping a cookie in your beer (like you would do with milk), isn't really that bad. Ok so the night is still young, i guess we go to a party. and then to IHOP. At this point i can't stay awake, speak straight, etc. I am done. We sleep it off and get ready for Saturday.

I woke up and decided i didn't want to wear pants for the entire day, (i failed, and it was much colder out than i thought). After some lounging around and a awkward moment of someones mom walking in on 3 dudes laying around in there boxer briefs, we decide we are on a mission to find pizza. 3 failed attempts: 1. Mojo's Pizza- this is a new place in town we decide to try out, after walking in and seeing the shitty pizza baking in heat lamps and the $20 tag for a large, we turn around and say no thanks. 2. Shakespeare's Pizza- my favorite, this should be a perfect cure for the hangover, however it is packed and we are looking for quick eats here, so no that one too. 3. Pizza Hut- hey they have a buffet right, it will be cheap, quick, and lots of food. They don't have a buffet on the weekend, so no to that one too. 4th and final we try a new place Arris (i think that is what is called) Pizza. Very nice place a little out of place in a shopping center. Has a nice bar setup, with flat screens and greek theme going on. Pizza is fairly priced and they have a ton of options besides pizza as well. We go for that and watch the Cardinals loose in the process. Time for a power nap, you know we had only been up for probably 3 hours. We sleep the pizza off and meet up again, this time the mission is to see a movie. We pick Forgetting Sarah Marshall, it turned out to be great, very funny and i would definitely see it again. After the movie we head to Flat Branch for more drinking (just what i need, no not really at all). We eat for fried food and drink and then head to a small party to drink more. I think my body needs cleansed after this weekend. My diet of fried foods, cheese, and beer should have me hurting today. So after hanging out at the party the idea comes up to go to a strip club (it is 3am) we are 2 minutes away and have free passes, we go. A hour of naked women, 3 of which sat on my lap and tried to get me to pay them for more lap sitting (i denied everyone of them, even the girl who said, "you can play with my huge tits", and then showed them to me). I left having not spent a single dollar in there. It is now after 4am and it is time to go home and sleep the night off.

Welcome to Sunday morning, which is where we are now, lets see what today brings. Hopefully no beer or pizza. The sun is out and i think we are looking at a day in the 70's. My Pink Floyd record is over so i guess it is time to get on with the day, or go back to bed. We will see...

in 1000's

I work at a screen printing shop, which to say the least is a interesting place to work. It is a neat trade to learn and i could definitely tell you the ins and outs of screen printing. However, i don't think we are the smartest shop on the block (though my millionaire boss assures me, "that we can't be touched and we do more and better work than any shop in Missouri") I would believe we do more work, but that is because my boss takes on ridiculous jobs with impossible goals set behind them.

His latest money making plan is to accommodate these two women who have a plan of making canvas grocery bags. Great idea in theory, these two women want 9 different designs (that have been finely tweaked many many times). Of these 9 designs they want 1000 of each design printed on canvas bags (for a total of 9000). My boss thought we could print 2000 a day a knock these out very quickly. Besides the headache of doing the artwork, there was also a issue with the color of ink for each design (it had to be perfect, and they wanted many samples before the final product was made). So right there you are looking at way more work than expected, the ink had to mixed and matched very specifically to PMS numbers. I must also mention the canvas bags aren't really bags they are large canvas pieces that will have to be taken to another out source and sewn into bags, adding the nylon straps. Yet another large process, and pain in the ass.

So why i am writing about this? Well my job as a printer is to print the 9000 bags, the goal of 2000 a day was not met. I could only do 1000 a day, as the set up for these takes a very long time. I can't really explain the details, with out everyone having some knowledge of screen printing and the equipment we use, but you are looking at around 1 hour set time for each design. That i have to re-setup after each 1000 is printed. Also we are talking 1000's of threads from these canvas bags that get in the design and have to be pulled out and touched up, and running out of ink every couple 100 prints. This also takes a 3 man team to print and each bag must be perfectly centered so when the poor saps that have to sew these things won't mess up the design. All of this for a reusable bag. We are talking many hours of work, i understand these are reusable and are supposed to be environmentally friendly. In the end i think they might be just as evil as the paper and plastic we just throw away (or that i re-use as garbage bags around my house).

Anyhow looking at 1000 of anything over and over for 8 hours is mind numbing and awful. I can't imagine what is doing to my eyes. I currently have 2000 done and will finish the remaining 7000 this week. Please think of the bullshit that goes into making canvas bags the next time you use one.

sites (some things i've seen in the last year)

1. motorcycles- brooklyn, new york

2. barton natural springs- austin, texas

3. unknown subject (man as robot)- denver, colorado

4. horse and chair sculpture- denver, colorado

5. mountains- unknown

6. the vertical violet house- wichita, kansas

7. gentleman auction house- austin, texas

8. horse drinking out of a fountain- central park, new york

9. ryan reed- central park, new york

10. call me lightning- austin, texas

11. hotel- kansas city, kansas

12. the vertical violet house (inside)- wichita, kansas

13. the vertical violet backyard- wichita, kansas

14. the vertical violet backyard- wichita, kansas

15. black cat- wichita, kansas

May i suggest

in one of my older posts, i wrote about what i considered to be "perfect records". I realized this was completely based on opinion, which is fine, but i decided to take that post down. I could give a shit if you like the same records as me. Music is weird to me like that, i think music is a very personal thing and yeah it is cool to share with people, but i have been in far too many arguments with people about "good bands" and what is the best album or song by a particular band. So i hate talking music most of the time. I felt like it wasn't that important to list what i think are "perfect records" although a year later i still did agree with my list, but today i would have added two records to that list. So here are those records, i don't care if you think they are perfect, just take them as two suggestions of good listening materials to check out.

KARATE- KARATE
GRAHAM NASH- SONGS FOR BEGINNERS

it's been a year or so....

I started this blog nearly a year ago, and stopped after a few months of writing it. I think i brought too many personal issues into this blog and that I was concerned what people would think, or that I would hurt peoples feelings. I even went private for awhile and realized no one reads this anyways. So after a year or so i opened this blog and read 4 or 5 posts that i had written, and realized that a year later that alot of things i had wrote about are basically happening again. I was going through some rough times and looking for a change, and now a year later all those things that i wanted to change have basically come true. I hated the living situation i was in, and though i am currently still in that situation it will be changing in a few months. I think this is good, and i am really looking forward to the change. However i need to figure a lot of things out (money, roommates, how to basically become a landlord, etc.) I has also posted a blog that had a lot to do with the band that i am in and some issues i was having. It turns out we are still a band today and maybe those issues weren't that big of a deal. However i still have issues (new issues), but maybe that is part of being in a band and essentially having a relationship with 3 other people. So it is kind of weird to look back at a year past and realize that i am kind of in the same boat, that things have changed but are still somewhat the same, that i am not completely happy with everything i am doing or involving myself with. I do think things are going to get better in the next few months, and as the weather gets better i feel better and more motivated to do things. So i here is to change and warm weather and basketball and home run derby's.